We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
the raccoons are back...
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