I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Randomize
