True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
