Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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