I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
