In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
