We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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