careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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