I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
