You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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