Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
