Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
