Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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