I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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