LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
