my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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