Moan for me like Helen Keller
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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