he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She's the barista slut.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
