sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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