is your mom at the bar?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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