her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
