We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
