Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'm passing your future prison.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
