You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
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Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
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All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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