I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
