I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
