Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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