last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
It's blow job season.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
