my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
He did a backflip because drugs
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize