sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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