I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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