i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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