I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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