clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
