you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
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Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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