I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize