Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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