I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
