If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
