we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
