I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Randomize
