got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
4 words: hood of his car
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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