so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
