tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
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That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
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The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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