I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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