i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
