hotel room ftw
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
