Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
