It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
