You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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