the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
