anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I am midnight drunk by noon
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
