i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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