He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
birth control should be required to get into college
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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