I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
