I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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