u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
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Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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