My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Two words: blizzard sex
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
