I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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