I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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