just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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