this boner is exhausting
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
