At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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