Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
True strength comes from lack of pants
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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