well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
