im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
