Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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