You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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